Lex old bear :),


as I faced the situation you're in (of which I'm confronted as well), guess it could be helpful to present my view on it.
First, as all others involved perceived it, I have to confirm that it was obvious by your statements that the "Lex Train" is comming.

I just realize that "lex "means "Law". The law of the Icon, hmmm interesting and somehow corresponding isn't it ?

Well one of my first inner reactions was to jump at your side with the same impetus I tried for myself like" Oh no now the bunch of shamans is jumping at Lex and the more they jump the more he will look for shelter in his own nutshell to protect what he think he has to protect as a "mature Individual". At the surface it seems like stepping on the rails to make a train stop that is unstopable.So why even trying ?

Because every individual here which is free of attachement in the moment of observance has the chance to beckon the truth via creating an enviroment of transparency no matter how bad, rude or unequitable it might feel during the confrontation.
I'm not attached this moment because I'm not confronted directly but via confrontation that is dispalyed here.

I swear you Lex, I know how hard it feels to be confronted that way. What I realize through the confrontation here and now is something that is confronted within me. It is not about my character, my bad habit, or my aversions per se it is about the deep split I'm denying within my own existance.

This split is something I recover in review now, cause during the confrontation I had I actually was two : pentakis (or andre23rd) was a kind of bodyguard, an alter ego army that I positioned to " protect little, great andre from harm" not realizing that this "army" was "IT" - the same old thing. I believe I never had such a strange double-perception (while simultaneously denying) before. pentakis, the bold character assassin and great ruler was standing in the forefront while andre has hidden himself behind to prevent being perceived acting as a split personality that refuses to take responsibillity for the truth unfolding through the act of incorruptible expression of what is obviously there.
With other words : the shadow took command of me, not andre. And thats the trick - the strange thing was that , even if I acted fully out of this cloaked intention, the confrontation and what I learned here increased the pressure the foreign installment uses to be aligned with andre , so that andre appears coherent to be in full identification with himself as one. There is no shadow or foreign installment its "them" (the "assholes" who don't understand what I'm sayin' while confronting me) who are whispering in my ear that I'm not good enough or even too good for them - and also very substantial intellectual "insights" that keep me busy on that self-chosen path of righteousness: interfering inner mind-whisper that tries to "convince" - truth is secondary. But for real I couldn't shake of that split - actually the whole confrontation excercise was about to realize that what I THINK its me acting isn't me (andre) at all. And for that you have to be confronted tenaciously, to face that cold, whining mask. And despite it was in total in front of my eyes I couldn't admit even andre was still around observing the whole event from a perspective I didn't had before. I wasn't able to just admit and shake of that interference and that is a clear sign that I still refuse to take full responsibillity for my actions, by, for example, hanging to inventory that seems to define my character and personality, inventory that expresses itself via neurosis or depression or drama.

Its a bit like a "bad" mother-in-law appears unannounced. She is not very friendly, has a lot of authority, doesn't allow opposition and before you even realize what is going on she has your whole household under her thumb.
Your standard reaction is then to wave aside, let the old lady do what she wants, she won't stay forever, while if a good awake neighbor comes around to confront grandma and the situation he finds, you rather will protect grandma cause she is "family" or you start to argue with your neighbor while actually its about grandma and yourself within the unresolved situation .

So my only advice is , lex, if there is an army already gathering to protect your kingdom, send them home, if you can't, just observe how keen your soldiers really are to join a battle - even a hidden one - you can't win....

Andre